If I die and go to hell real soon,
it will appear to me as this room.
And for eternity I'd lay in bed
in my boxers, half stoned,
with the pillow under my head.

I'd be chatting on the interweb;
maggots pray upon the living dead.
I had no interest in the things she said.
On the phone every day,
I'll permanently hit the hay.

I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
She touched herself. She touched herself.
I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
I laughed myself to sleep.

At this rate,
I'll be heading for electric chairs.
I'm only human with my cross to bear.
When she described her underwear
I forgot all the rules my rabbi taught me in the old schul.

You're too young to be this empty girl
I'll prepare you for a sick dark world
Know that you'll be my downfall.
But I call and I call and I call.

I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
She touched herself. She touched herself.
I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
I laughed myself to sleep.

I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I want. (Met you on the internet)
I don't know what I want. (Then I lied about it)
I don't know what I want. (Met you on the internet)
I don't know what I want. (Then I lied about it)

I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
She touched herself. She touched herself.
I called her on the phone and she touched herself.
I laughed myself to sleep.

(Woah!) I called her on the phone (Woah!) and she touched herself.
(Woah!) She touched herself. (Woah!) She touched herself.
(Woah!) I called her on the phone (Woah!) and she touched herself.
I laughed myself to sleep.