Never thought that I could feel such a slap in the face
Since my semester in New York where I drank it away.
Social strategies were taught to Bohemian crowds
And my love was live a food stamp handing it out.
Oh, though I fell in love with you, all fey and grizzled and mature,
You left me broken, pining, whining on your bathroom floor.
If it makes you jealous, tell us just which boy we should adore.
Only talk about myself so I don't mind that he's a bore.

He's a like a less cute version of you but he'll have to do.
He's like a Wal-Mart version of you but he'll have to do.

Mountain man! Brag about your band to me!
You got me hot with all those snide remarks about my poetry
But he gobbles up every single line about the stars
And how they scar my slightly chubby arms like brightly lit cigars.
So now he's next to me but I can feel you in my heart.
You're everything. You're everything he'll never be.
It's misery and, more specifically, I miss that day you spit on me.

He's got no inkling of your status or mind.
He's just the glue that I splatter to bind
You and I like siamese twins,
So let this sick sad game begin.
Now you're here again and he will wonder where I've been.
I'm giving in but, in my own opinion, it's how to be
Though I can hear him singing:
"All this envy's killing me. It's killing me."
And every time I see your face I die inside.